you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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