You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
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Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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