she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
