everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i want to swaddle you in tequila
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
