I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
