is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
