just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
