I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I will be naked everywhere
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
