I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
