So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
