I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
