Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
