Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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