We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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