I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
