please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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