I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
