I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
