This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
