My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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