can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
