Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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