So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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