Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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