Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
