I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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