I need help removing her.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
