Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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