To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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