I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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