i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
