ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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