Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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