hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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