The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
