Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize