yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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