Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
