Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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