So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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