my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
