I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You need a sexual gate keeper
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
