I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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