we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am naked and annoyed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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