You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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