My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
