I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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