Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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