Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need a burrito and a hug.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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