Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
