Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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