I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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