i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
