Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
