After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
